Hopeful Hearts and Seasoned Souls

She’s engaged! 

Is it your best friend? Your sister? Or is it you? Now that a ring is on your finger, you’re realizing that you’re life is about to change and you can’t wait another second to say “I do.” You think about all you’ve been through and your mind can’t help but go back to the beginning; when you first met the man that would one day become your husband. 

So what’s one of the first things you want to do when you suddenly become someone’s fiance? Perhaps it’s safe to say that you want to run and tell your mom! After all of the joy, excitement and maybe even a few tears, a wise woman would ask her mother (if she hadn’t asked already) all that she needs to know before she gets any closer to the alter.

So here’s the burning question: If your mother is divorced, never married, or unhappily married, can she give you what she doesn’t have? 

It’s true, some of the best advice comes from people that have gone through pain, fears and disappointments. Even those who haven’t quite reached their goal, they’re still persevering with plenty of lessons under their belt. But what if the perception of your mother toward marriage is deep bitterness and a lack of forgiveness? How will you receive the insight and encouragement from your mother then? 

Okay, let’s take a deep breath. Yes, it’s a blessing if one has parents who have a loving, successful marriage that spans decades. But what about the women who don’t? What do they have to look to in order to know what being a husband or wife means? 

Family curses are what come into play here. Cycles of bad habits, skewed mentalities and most detrimental, homes lacking the presence of Christ. 

It’s truly about getting back to basics. When some little girls are twirling around in their tutus and “playing purse,” their mothers may be teaching them about who God is, if they don’t already know at that toddler age. Throughout their childhood years any lessons a girl’s mom shares is usually remembered if reiterated as she grows older. 

“I have to tell you like my mother told me. Be independent, even in marriage-and have your own money,” said Elizabeth. She has been married for over 30 years. Unhappily. She reflects on some of the things she told her daughter when she was growing up regarding men and marriage. “Education first.” She emphasized this throughout her daughter’s life. Elizabeth said that education gives you the freedom to do what you want. To have a more well-rounded life. You realize the more education you get, the more education you want.” So what did she tell her daughter about marriage? That you don’t have to tell men everything. Elizabeth’s reasoning is that as the woman, you believe that marriage is about unity, but the man is all for himself.

This is a mother who has been scarred by her years as an unhappy wife. 

From a family of eight, she grew up in a home filled with siblings and two loving parents. She’s the baby, so her parents were well into their forties when she came along. While her mother took Elizabeth and her brothers and sisters to church, she was never consistently taught what having a relationship with Christ is all about. 

She remembers the one day when her father went to church with them. After this memory came to her mind, she said that it’s possible that she never really knew what the characteristics of a man with a heart for Lord looked like. 

It all comes down to one decision. That one decision to fall in love with Jesus. No matter how much someone else can try to teach and preach, you have to feel and hear God for yourself in order to surrender your life. 

Elizabeth’s mother couldn’t do any more than what she did because it was up to Elizabeth all along to seek what the Lord wanted for her and wants for her today. Praying for her husband before he came along- doing the same for her children. Seek God in all of the decisions that you make.

Elizabeth has an seasoned soul. She’s experienced a lot of pain from a marriage that was built on the wrong things. She admits that she wants to develop a relationship with Christ. Only then can she possess a forgiving heart. 

So what about the hopeful heart? That’s the thing about Jesus---when you know Him before you make choices all on your own, you have the ability to live a life of hope, excitement and fearlessness. 

You take a seasoned soul's lessons and God’s principles and see whether they line up. You can take heed to what an older woman has been through, but don’t let it paralyze you and make you fearful of marriage. God has called you to be fearless! 

When you know God, when you have fallen in love with Jesus Christ, when you live a praying life, when you read and practice the Word, not only can you avoid a broken marriage and bitterness, but you can bless another woman with your spirit. Even one who has an seasoned soul. 

Not A Mother

Mrs. Fraysure’s kindness, Coach Brown’s insightful wit, Professor Lanning’s overwhelmingly enlightened perspective on life and Aunt Gail’s hugs. A second grade teacher, a high school civics teacher, a college instructor and my mother’s sister, respectively. 

None of which were my mother; one wasn’t even a woman. However, each of them have stayed on my mind throughout my 25 years. 

How did they know to say what they said and do what they did to impact me so greatly?

It may have been my personality taking well to theirs, but they would leave me contemplating things that I had never thought about before. 

At eight years old, I didn’t just play outside only because it was fun. I stood in awe at the beauty of the day. The trees, the grass, the sky, the birds, the sun. Just being around my classmates and observing the way they thought about things. Even the simple moments of when my friends and I made one another laugh and smile. I was able to appreciate it all because of Mrs. Fraysure’s words. Her lessons; whether in terms of academics or life. I was always a shy, polite kid, but I remember her kindness made me want to be even more kind to others. Her positive words to and about me made me want to continue to be looked at in that light. Almost as if I didn’t want to disappoint her. In all actuality, it ended up becoming a part of me.

At 15, when the last place you want to be is sitting in a classroom, unless it’s to socialize, Coach Brown was a man that was still able to captivate even the most distracted teenager. He was one of the few teachers that understood that kids at that age like to laugh. He could accomplish the task of at least having us smiling throughout each class. Definitely an academic comedian. But more importantly, he made us think. He took politics, one of the least interesting and almost the most confusing subject for me, and applied it to our lives in a way that made it crystal clear. Most of all, he made me feel that I really had something special to share with the world. Even when I didn’t know it. He may not have even known what it was himself. But he gave me such confidence with each conversation we had. 

After enlisting in the U.S. Air Force, living away from home, giving my life to the Lord, and even deploying to Afghanistan, I came back home as a full time college student to be influenced by two women in a tremendous way. An art appreciation professor and a humanities professor. 

What impacts me the most is when an educator can teach an academic lesson and simultaneously teach a profound life lesson. That’s what both of these professors did for me. 

The main thing that I think I received from each of these individuals is that they taught me about people. Specifically how different human beings are, yet how much we are the same- and how bewildering and beautiful that is.

Aunt Gail has always been a very kind and loving woman. I always called her my favorite aunt which is absolutely true. She was the only aunt to put effort into having a relationship with my brothers and me. Whether it was cards in the mail, phone calls, or visiting, she was there. Her hugs and kisses were the most cliche of all aunts and grandmothers loving on little children, yet at the same time, I knew that it was the most genuine display of affection outside of my mom. She never really made any sense with some of the things she would say to us, but we knew she cared about us. We knew we were welcome around her. She never had any children, so maybe that’s how she had so much love to give. Either way, she has been a wonderful aunt, still is, and I want to be that for my brand new niece. 

Besides my aunt, most of these women were probably already mothers by the time they entered my life. But they didn’t have to be my mother to impact me. I am not married or a mother, however I did just become a godmother. I now know that I do not have to wait to birth a child to make a difference in a little girl or boy’s life. 

I’m seeing that children these days are much more out-going than I ever was growing up. Even my peers as a kid do not have anything on these kids today and their boldness! But I do believe that a child can still be touched by the flash of a kind smile, a genuine hug, and even greater, a relationship. A relationship that consists of laughs, trust, motivation, inspiration, and guidance. 

I’m encouraging women to find a young girl. One you already know or one you don’t. Regardless of whether she knows and loves the Lord or not, she is still going through everything you went through as a young girl. She is confused when she has a crush on a boy. She is confused when she’s getting a lot of attention from boys. She is confused when girls are mean to her. 

Young girls are already virtuous young ladies, they simply must acknowledge, embrace and practice those virtues. They must have the right motives and ensure their words and actions are for a purpose. 

My heart breaks for some girls who are products of family curses where the cycle goes ‘round and ‘round. Salvation skips multiple generations. Who’s going to step in and stop the cycle? Some mothers are educating and loving their daughters as they should; some are not. Could you be that teacher, that counselor, that mentor, that kind smile who senses that a girl needs a love that she can only find in one place? 

Though there’s power in His name, you won’t even have to mention it if she spends enough time with you. She’ll know you’re a believer...and will want what you have. Pursue relationships with the next generations. It took 21 years for me to fall in love with Jesus. Girls should and can find Him much sooner- and we know that once they do, their true beauty will shine through to others; but more importantly they will see the beauty within themselves.

Gladys

She approached me today as I sat on campus reading an online article on my laptop. She asked for an interview as a member of a Christian ministry to try to find ways to better connect with students.

Little did I know that she would be a wonderful blessing for the day.

She asked me what I believed, which I didn't have any problem disclosing. She was very kind and welcoming. We began to talk about when I became saved and I explained to her my transformation. I always feel so high sharing my testimony.

She is an older lady, who is gorgeous by the way ;-) , so she is able to share much wisdom to young people. She shared with me a few of the young men and women she has ministered to and I understood how she was a catalyst for that change that they needed.

Once some time ago, Gladys ministered to a young girl. The girl came back to Gladys a full year later to tell her that she finally understood what she was trying to tell her a year before. This reminded me of myself.

I told Gladys that any and all wisdom that is shared with young people, or generally unsaved people, will typically go in one ear and out the other. With me, after I became saved, so many things finally made sense. The Bible, the pastor, Christian books, Christian friends, conflict, disappointment. I wasn't recieving any new information, it just didn't click coming from other people. It didn't click until God said it to me.

The wisdom that was being shared with me prior to giving my life to the Lord would sound logical at the time, but it wasn't until I was older that I realized that I didn't truly understand it because I wasn't applying it in my life.

So as Gladys spoke about her life since being saved, she spoke amazing truth and wisdom that was from God into my life, and as I listened I realized that none of it would have made any real sense to me at 17 years old- or even at 21. Anything my mother said or teachers or even my Christian friends, didn't get through to me because God had to get through to me first.

I can't wait to speak with Gladys again. God always brings people like her to come sit down next to you at the right moment.

WHAT REALLY MATTERS: You and the world---Or you and the Lord?

The best way for me to connect with someone is when he or she is honest with me and when I'm honest back. Speaking truth into someone's life from my own testimony is a way I want to be able to give someone else insight to a situation he or she may be going through as well. So let me open up...

I have insecurities.

I want to be liked, I don't want to be alone, I want what society considers happiness. Why? A Christian woman who knows the love of God and how incredible He is still gets caught up in the things that don't matter. How is this so?

The fact that I'm only human sometimes doesn't sound like a good enough answer because a human can over come insecurities like this. The point is that I'm a human that is a work in progress. I have faith that I will be a stronger woman who only thinks about what matters.

I'm a person who wakes up every morning and thinks about God. I picture Him watching me wake up. It's just me and Him. I begin preparing for a day that I hope brings a smile to His face. I don't want to disappoint Him. I don't think about the people I'm going to encounter or be in contact with. My first thoughts aren't about impressing them. But, sometimes my day may turn into suddenly caring about what someone will think of me once I come into contact with him or her. Now it's not just about me and God anymore. I've made it about me and the world. I'm comparing myself to it, trying to compete with it, wanting to be included and accepted in it. The worse part of it is that if I'm not liked or appreciated by the world, I come down awfully hard on myself. I'm aware that this is true insecurity. This is NOT who I want to be. Nor is it who God wants me to be.

True PEACE, true HAPPINESS, true UNDERSTANDING of myself and everything around me that matters comes from lining my life up with the word of God. This is something that I know. So why do I fail to apply it sometimes? It's not an easy task, although it's the only thing that makes sense.

Me and the people in this world, whether friends, family, future spouse, don't matter as much as me and the Lord. When it really comes down to it, my relationship with the Lord is the only thing that matters. My loved one's (or strangers, aquaintances, classmates, co-workers) opinions and thoughts about me and my life can't be what I base my attitude about myself and my choices on. I should be confident about myself and my choices because I live a praying life. I try to pray before I make a decision. *Seeking the Lord's guidance and understanding for myself.*

In whatever I do, I have to always make sure that I'm bringing honor to the Lord and that the people surrounding me are as well. If they are not, I must share the Lord's wisdom with them, or remove myself if they do not welcome it. I must also remove myself if I'M the one not honoring Him so that I can figure out how I can do so.

Everything I need to smile everyday is written in His word. If I follow it, He'll smile everyday too.

My Fiance

When I speak of my fiance, I want you to feel God in my words. Sensing that the Lord's presence truly lives in him, lives in me and in our relationship.

When I speak of my fiance, I want to share the wisdom of the Lord; what God has taught me about love and how to love unconditionally.

When I speak of my fiance, I want to excite you about your future; that you too can experience a spiritual connection with another human being. I hope a smile comes to your heart from the honesty, compassion, and kindness that you hear me speak of.

When I speak of my fiance, I want you to appreciate our struggles because you know that we are strong enough and God-fearing to be solution oriented in our conflict. The respect and patience that I speak of would be a standard to emulate.

When I speak of my fiance, I want the gentleness to be palpable, the knowledge of the Word to be apparent, the yearning to be Christ-like to be very clear.

When I speak of my fiance, I want you to anticipate meeting him. I want you to walk away from our conversation happy to know that someone like that exists.

When I speak of my fiance, I not only pray that you meet and marry a person like him, but that you and I can strive to possess the same qualities as him.

Different hearts, different paths, one God

I have several difficult things that I have to encounter in life as all people do, but one particular thing that stands out is having to let go of certain people in my life. When you start on a different path that people who are close to you refuse to take, those relationships are bound to break. Because those relationships are breaking for God's purposes, it's okay. And while I do want what He wants for me, that means that I may have to be alone for a while-and maybe that's the scary part. However, it leaves me excited to go out and surround myself with other Christians who are filled with the same passion and spirit that I have. People who ALWAYS focus on purpose, not just when they feel like it.

When I get on the phone to talk to girlfriends I no longer gossip and discuss things that could be potentially hurtful to others. I used to listen to the gossip and even request it. And when I was to be an ear for one of my friends, I would give them cliché, worldly advice that ultimately didn't help anyone. Now when I give Godly advice, it falls on deaf ears.

I do want to have a heart to continue to minister to others and not avoid one of God's purposes for my life. This is why I have held on to my long time friendships up to this point. I also want to be able to hear from the Lord when He says “Enough. This season is over.” I’m continuing to do my part, and pray that this can become a conversation that is always intriguing to my loved ones. It’s the most important thing and the only thing that can change a heart.

"If only I knew then what I know now."

It's true that with age comes wisdom. We all at one point in our lives say "If only I knew then what I know now."  I believe that because we don't normally have true wisdom until we're older, we have to make sure that that wisdom isn't in vain and that it's used to enlighten younger generations so that they do not have to say "If only I knew then what I know now" in the same way that we have. Introducing a child to God and teaching him or her His word is as essential as it gets. But sometimes those lessons come later in life. Everyone has their own journey that they must take in discovering God. This is my journey in discovering Him...


    What would you do if you were the older sister or brother to your younger self? For example, I am currently 24 years old. My younger sister is CC (me) at age sixteen. 24 year old me already knows what 16 year old me will do. Sure it sounds simple- Just tell 16 year old me what not to do! But think of this as a real life sister/sister dynamic. Teenage girls do not want to listen to anyone (including their older sister) and only want to do what they want to do, when they want to do it, no matter how sweet they may seem. 24 year old me would have a hard time getting through to 16 year old me, right? Well, by the time I was 16, there were not any principles enstilled in me that would keep me from making poor decisions. The main thing that my mother preached was to get my master's degree before I get pregnant. Then she would carry on about how dumb girls were for getting pregnant when they weren't ready. So there was nothing that I really took to heart because it wasn't coming from a solid, clear place. More importantly, a biblical place.
    So what would I tell young CC? What could I tell her from everything that I knew young CC would have to experience if she didn't take the path the Lord wanted her to take? You see, that's exactly what happened. There was no regard for God for me at that age and for years to come. I had only one peer who I considered a good friend who was Christian, and yet, because my actual best friend was not a spiritual person, my Christian friend had no influence on me and I was subject to my closest surroundings.
    Knowing what I know now and knowing how I learned at that age, I would have to start by reiterating this one principle to 16 year old me: I was created for God.
    That one principle has countless principles that stem from it. If young CC had someone tell her this, repeat it to her and use it as a daily lesson plan in her life, SO MUCH would have been different! Going further, the next principle I would share with young me would be: My life is NOT about me. This one would have truly opened my eyes because all of the mistakes that I made were because I was trying to please myself or only look out for myself. This principle is about removing myself and this is something that I knew nothing about. Self-sacrifice is all throughout the Word and this would have helped me tremendously; however, I never really read the Bible. I needed to know then that God intended for His creations to live for Him first then for others; never for self.
    These two principles alone could have saved me years of bad decisions and sadness. I was always going to find Him, because I've always known He exists, but the way in which I had to journey to discover Him was not according to His will. I was doing what I wanted to do. Sinning the entire way.
    Another principle that I believe young CC would have benefited from would have been: Have a real relationship with God. All good relationships need the same things. Mother/daughter, father/son, sister/brother, friends or husband/wife-they all need time spent together. Quality time spent getting to know one another as he or she grows and changes. In the same way we are to spend time with God. Talking to Him, praying to Him, reading His Word, basing a decision we are making on Him just like how we would seek our loved one's opinion or approval. Also just like our human relationships, there has to be honesty with God. He already knows everything, and while our honesty is for Him, it also frees us from stress or shame in the process.
    I didn't know anything about a relationship with God. The fact of the matter was, I didn't think that I was doing anything wrong! I had my own standards of how a "cool" teenager should be. I never even considered God's standards. Principle: My standards are so much lower than God's standards. The things that I thought were little, such as white lies or the people that I associated with, I wouldn't have thought to take to God and measure up to His standards.
    16 year old CC needed 24 year old "big sister" CC to show her the truth and the meaning to her life. But God was waiting for me to realize the gift that was right in front of me all along. The gift of Jesus Christ, His love and eternal life. I have been redeemed because of this love. This is all so extraordinary to me because I actually have a second chance to get it right, and now I look at every single day as another chance to get it right. Being in the world and born into sin makes it difficult to do the right thing or simply to know what the right thing is, but because I am not of the world, it makes it a little easier. I have been saved for 2 years and I want to use my faith to influence, especially youth-from the little ones to the teens and to the young adults. I see 16 year old me in other girls more than I wish I did. Just like Solomon, I ask God for wisdom and I also ask for the courage to implement change in this way. 1 Kings 3:9
    Picture yourself as the older sibling to younger you. What would you say to him or her?